


In the Room the Women Come and Go

by kaydeefalls



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-26
Updated: 2004-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-09 07:29:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaydeefalls/pseuds/kaydeefalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I had nothing to do with your lingerie-pilfering, and I have no desire to be implicated in the whole sordid affair."</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Room the Women Come and Go

"Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks!" Sirius hisses, grabbing Remus by the collar and yanking him behind the bed. He fumbles with the portrait of the lady in the purple dress, poking at her breast and whispering a hasty "buggery and gross indecency", at which the lady blushes and titters and opens the panel in the wall beside her portrait. Sirius and Remus tumble into the narrow passageway as the panel swings shut behind them, just in time.

They scarcely breathe as footsteps enter the room and pass their hiding place, pacing, then let out enormous sighs of relief as the steps leave the room and fade into the distance.

"Best stay here for a bit, in case she doubles back or checks our room," Sirius says, relaxing a little and grinning through the dimly-lit tunnel. "Cor, I've never seen McGonagall so livid! You'd think we'd snuck into the girls' dormitory and snatched up their underthings, her face was so red!"

"Sirius," Remus says tiredly, leaning against a wall and loosening his school tie, "that's precisely what we did. Or rather, what you did."

"Ah," Sirius beams, "so it was." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very lacy, very lavender bra. "Evans's dainty things," he murmurs happily. "Won't James pay us good money to get his hands on this!"

"Pay you good money, you mean," Remus corrects with a groan. "I had nothing to do with your lingerie-pilfering, and I have no desire to be implicated in the whole sordid affair."

"You were my backup. Without you, I would never have known that darling Minerva was on her way. Although it's a good thing I remembered the password back in here, or we both would've been flayed alive."

"A good thing, indeed. How exactly were you planning on getting out of here without the password?"

"I was planning on you holding the panel open, not slipping back down the tunnel and abandoning me as soon as I'd got in. Although it's a good thing you did, else I'd have been caught red-handed."

"Believe me, if I'd known why you were so keen on sneaking into the girls' rooms, I wouldn't have sounded the alarm at all."

Sirius gives him a disdainful look. "Why did you think I wanted to get in here?"

Remus shrugs. "We only just found the passageway last week; I guess I thought you just wanted to give it a proper try."

"Oh, Moony," Sirius sighs sadly, "you really are so naïve."

Remus shoves him.

Sirius shoves him back.

This might well have escalated into a full-blown wrestling match, but they hear voices and footsteps entering the room, and freeze.

"It's just the girls," Remus says after a few tense moments.

"What are they talking about, can you hear?" Sirius asks with some interest. A wicked grin spreads slowly across his face. "Naughty things, eh? Discussing knickers and bras and such? Or are they talking about the boys they fancy?" An idea occurs to him. "Hey, d'you suppose they're talking about me?"

"I can't tell," Remus says. He gives Sirius a sharp look that goes undetected in the dim light. "It's hard to make out the words through the wall."

"Hush a moment and let me have a listen," Sirius shushes him, prodding him in the stomach. "I'll bet they are talking about me. I'll bet they're comparing notes on how good I am in bed. I've bedded all but one of them, you know," he adds, nodding sagely. "All but Lily, out of respect for Prongs."

"Out of respect for how much pain Prongs would put you through before killing you proper, rather," Remus mutters. Sirius flashes him a grin.

Silence descends for a few long minutes. The babble of the girls continues, just a little too garbled for comprehension.

"Wait," Sirius says suddenly. "I think I can make some of it out. They're definitely talking about a bloke, something about talent and beauty – see, I knew they were talking about me!"

Remus presses his ear to the wall, then shakes his head. "Talent and beauty are definitely involved, but it's not you, Padfoot."

"Who, then?" Sirius asks eagerly.

"Michelangelo," Remus replies.

They stare at each other through the gloom, straight-faced, then Sirius cracks a smile and Remus snorts, and soon they're both rolling on the floor laughing for absolutely no reason either can fathom.

"Sirius," Remus manages, after they've finished and are lying in a small, exhausted pile on the floor, "you haven't really shagged all the girls in our year, have you?"

"No," Sirius admits. "But I did kiss Alice Perkins once. She slapped me afterwards," he adds thoughtfully. "But I think she enjoyed it all the same."

"Did you?" Remus asks. "Enjoy it, I mean."

"Well, of course," Sirius replies. "I mean, I'm a bloke, right? All blokes enjoy kissing girls."

"I wouldn't know," Remus says, and Sirius stares at him. "What?"

"Moony," Sirius says, "we're sixteen. How can you not have kissed a girl yet?"

Remus shrugs, looking defensive. "I haven't met one yet that I'd want to kiss, I suppose."

Sirius gives him a look that clearly says that this just isn't done. "That's ridiculous. And now you're sixteen, and when you do eventually kiss one, you'll be terrible at it and she won't want to do it again. But you never considered that, I expect."

Remus shakes his head mutely.

"Only one thing to do, then," Sirius sighs, and kisses him.

It's very brief, and very wet. Remus pushes Sirius away hastily – or tries to, but given the narrowness of the passageway and the way the two boys are somewhat tangled together, only really succeeds in making Sirius bash his head against the wall.

"Ow!" Sirius cries, affronted, rubbing the back of his head. "I was just trying to help."

"You didn't want to, though," Remus says, his voice sounding very odd and thin. "So I'd rather you didn't do it again."

And he's gone, vanishing down the passageway for Sirius has a chance to think or speak or pull him back, and he just sits there stunned for several minutes before he even realizes _but I did want to._

They never speak of it again.


End file.
